Punter Penga

My dream. Not in life.

2009-08-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

Suttu is playing really loud music on the 5.1 speakers connected to the laptop. I start using the laptop and suttu shouts something in my ear. I pointed to my ears and did the I cant hear a thing gesture. He shouts again, louder this time. Still cant hear. So I point him to a pencil and paper and signal him to write watever it is, which he does and hands over the paper to me. In it was written - Increase the volume da.

I got up that morning with the wierd feeling you get when you have dreamt something that night but can remember just a little about it and then you try to recall your dream. This time I did recall and the first thing I said that morning was 'wat the fuck'.

Reservation hai kya?

2009-08-16T00:04:00.000-07:00

There's this place called Karthik Sweets on CMH road where you get killer chats. One day I saw a board there which said -- Channa Batura - our specialtiy -- Sundays 9 - 12 only. Next Sunday I got up before lunch, brushed my teeth, went there and ordered a Channa Batura. He asky my name, I tell it. He goes inside, comes back n says that I will not get Channa Batura. Why dude? "Reservation hai kya?" he asks. what!! I have to resserve? Man, where's India come to? You have to reserve Channa batura!!
So this Saturday I reserved Channa batura:). yes, I did it. I had to eat it. Sunday morning he even called up to confirm that I will be coming. Finally I got to eat it. It was just ok -ok. Sumne hype.

The Gods on bikes

2009-02-20T12:01:00.000-08:00

There are no words to write what I want to write. Its a feeling that cannot be explained.

When you are on the highway to hell, riding 90 miles a day, getting stoned, with ACDC n metallica keeping company to your thoughts, you know that you are on the stairway to heaven. It is what makes you realize that you are a God.

It, is my bike trip. 1900 KiloMetres. 10 days. 3 bikes. Best friends. Great "stuff". No plans. Heaven on earth.

It was a trip that started on a cold morning. we went Mysore-> Nagarhole -> Kushalnagar -> Mangalore -> Udupi ->Murudeshwar -> Gokarna -> GOA -> Bangalore. The difference between a trip and an awesome trip is, the wind in your face.

Our new year was in Goa, on a beach, in a shack, under the moon, drinking and dancing with the Arabian sea.
When its Goa, you know the rules. Its your last day to live.

When on a bike trip, you know the rules. There are no rules.

how i travelled 20 kms in 3 hours

2008-10-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

I kept post poning ticket booking and ended up in a khatara KSRTC. "KeSar RaTtiSI" was wat it was totally incapable of bcoz it was going sooooo slow that if it went any slower it would have gone backwards.

I happened to be sitting right behind the conductor and found it impossible to sleep. The driver was worried about his engine overheating. engine overheating? The driver was so fuckin paranoid that he kept touchin the engine cover thrice every minute to feel the temperature. and everytime he did it he called the conductor over to do the same. like he was touchin the ass of a girl and he wasnt sure if it was hot or not.
::cartman's voice::GODDAMNIT. FuckinEnginHeatin phobia or something like that he had.

Any small waterfall he saw on the way, and there were around 10, he had to stop the bus, get down, wash his shirt and baniyan and kacha and fill two bottles with water and put it in the radiator.
every bus, lorry, truck and a tortoise[with a wicked smile] overtook us.

once the ghat ended, all his extra curricular activities also ended. It must have been the thin air in the mountains.

After a frustratingly long journey, I reach home and I see bhatta playing Assasin on his laptop and touchin its rear to see if it has heated up. Infectious disease this one.

Dodd maga goes home

2008-07-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

::sigh:: everytime I return from Udupi I end up here.

Went home after a long time :( and it was a surprise visit and how. I reached early morning and my Dad opened the door. He said something that indicated that he didnt want to buy anything from me. I said I am not selling anything and he was like ' I knew u would say that, they all say the same'. Bang.. door closed. I heard him shout- these guys have started disturbing so early in the mornings and mom said they want to catch the yajamana before he went to office.

knock.knock.[Amma.. yen. mallo mage] Amma - its me, your dodd maga. By the time she opened the door she had the my favourite son has come home after such a long time let me cook his favourite carrot halwa look. My dad was still staring at me over his newspaper. I showed him one old family photo which I had with me for atleast 100 years. Even that didnt convince him!!!! These bank managers no.. they dont trust anybody. I had to keep one credit card for surety and only then he allowed me inside.

When we cleaned our house

2008-05-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

Been a long time since I blogged. I have had no time at all. Been very busy doing nothing. This weekend was a bit out of ordinary. It all started with some itching sensations(no no not there). All over my body; when I was sleeping. So we thought its time for a cleaning of the house and everything in it.

But when we removed the bedsheet off the bed of a certain Mr. X whose name I cant disclose due to privacy concerns, we were in for some big shock. Here's a hint to his name. His name is very long, the first half means "world" and the second half is "Chetan".

I took a picture of it-for my blog's eyes only. The qualtiy aint so good because I took it from my cell phone camera, so swalpa adjust. It was a small rain forest in there. A mammoth, 2 dinosaurs and a puma ran away before I could take the pic. sorry ah.

I wont be available for a few days. ciao.

Title_illa

2008-03-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

A new babe has joined my company. I am now friends with a bitch. The female street dog kind and not the one who has joined my company. Naayige daily biscoot. Lotsa work. Lotsa play. Less sleep. So things are pretty ordinary and nothing exciting is happening.
Some dinner ::Suttu as usual ordered his favourite. He sucked it for like 10 mins. He was charged 20 bucks.

Taking stock of the Stock Market

2008-03-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

With the stock market crashes becoming a daily event, a lot of broking houses, banks, money lenders, retail investors, institutional investors, and daily traders are going bankrupt at an alarming rate. Most of them have decided to lock shops and go home.

My research indicates that now is the right time to invest in Godrej. They make locks of superior quality with minimum 7 levers, rust proof and the keys are totally non duplicatable. The best chors and thieves of CNBC have never ever thought of picking a Godrej lock.

Godrej has a huge order book for locks and have opened LockShowrooms in the gallis of NSE and BSE. So buy as much as you can and become a multi millionaire.

PS: Godrej has two orders for the biggest and sturdiest locks ever made. Godrej has not divulged the source of the orders. Any guesses?

The AXE effect

2008-02-12T03:26:00.000-08:00

Keeping a bottle of viagra handy, I sprayed a lot of AXE hoping for a horde of bikini clad babes to come storming towards me. Surprisingly, no babes came!! Charmed by my pheromones, in came a bunch of guys knocked out of their senses ready to battle for the man with the AXE, for the AXE. :).

Hucchu hidiso hudgiru

2008-02-11T01:19:00.000-08:00

oficenalli ondu super figure serkondidale
urvashi duplicate thara idale
sakkath olle hudugi tara kaantale
shudda kannada maatadtale
orkutalli single anta haakondidale
btm busalli bartale
imported scent haakoltale

awala faceu bombatu awala koodlu superu
awala dressu sakkathu awala kannu fireu
awala maatu musicu awala kenne kempu
awala tika bombu awala nagu ultimatu

kelsane aagtilla awale idale kanmunde
niddene bartilla bari awala yochne
kashta bittu malkondre kansall avale bartale
nod daagella awalna dewatene kaanstale

Hego madi meter maadkondu hai ande
awalu andlu lofer nan magane
mangalaarti maadskonde mukake
maana maryade hogo munche, silentaagi escape aade

awalu ondu figurea, narapethala narayana na
awalu haakodu scenta, aane uche na
awaldu ondu facea, manelittiro bhoota photo na
awalu ondu hudigina, colour haakondiro kaagena

iwatu oblu serkondlu
iwale nan dowu
javadalli kelsa awaldu
awalannu pataisyo kelsa nandu

The Ordinary Hero

2008-02-08T04:27:00.000-08:00

Dark creepy night. Hero has one grenade. He unclips it and throws it at enemy. Due to superDevil intervention, it doesnt explode. Hero has to do something. Its life and death situation. Looks like he is definitely gonna die. No doubt. Looks up toward the sky and wonders God why did You do this to me. Please help me. Suddenly full moon comes out of the clouds peeking at the scene below. Hero says Thank You God. ?????. He picks up a glass piece placed right next to his leg, unnoticed till now, surviving the bofors and the air raids. Stares at the glass for a laang laang time and no enemies fire at him for fear of disturbing his concentration on the glass. He holds the glass at a wierd angle, reflects the moon light at the grenade and BOOM it goes killing everybdy around, even those who had survived the nuclear bomb, twice.

Back home with his doww, happy after his victory over the all pervading evil, Hero fires 6 bullets into the air signalling the start of the celebrations. Hero's superstrong fingers throw the bullets out at such speeds that they overtake a rocket carrying Doordarshan satellite and rains bullets in the Devaloka. One of them hits Yamaraj the death God. His immortalty is now being doubted by other Gods. Urvashi and Menaka refuse to dance in Indra's sabha stating bad and unsafe work place. Indra this time throws extra diamond necklaces and also promises a promotion during appraisal next week, the added perks lift up the spirits of the Apsaras and the show continues. Workaholic Yama is back to business before his soul snatching chain starts to rust. He has targets to reach before appraisal. Our Hero unaware of all this, is busy rejoicing around poles wrapped with dancers, swimming in alcohol and lighting beedi from his liver.

Dravid's middle finger

2008-01-30T01:10:00.000-08:00

Right handed Rahul Dravid's right middle finger has been fractured by Brett Lee's ball. Its still not understood as to why Dravid wanted to play with Brett Lee's balls. The fastest bowler now also has the strongest balls. Cricket's greatest critics are now confirmed that to bring down a wall, you need steel balls.

Special Kama's - Every uncle is special

2008-01-15T01:34:00.000-08:00

Background : Kantri Kamanna aka Ravish Kamath took some time off from his very very busy schedule in Infy to tell Bhatta that he was special. Bhatta had broken his leg and was resting at home in Bangalore. Kama who is in Mangalore, instead of sending get-well-soon flowers, sent this.

Here's the original.

Hot Steam

2008-01-02T01:36:00.000-08:00

Long story cut short - We are on our(10 of us) way from Yana to Bangalore. Tempo breaks down in a ghat section. A truck is towing our tempo. We are sitting in the back(top?) of the truck.

Its a very cold night and our truck has no roof(top). Our balls are frozen from the chilling breeze. All of a sudden its hot on the truck. It felt like there was a fire burning right in front of us. Couple of seconds later its the same chilly cold harsh night. We looked around and couldn't find the source of the heat. No fire, no nothing.

Didn't give it much thought that time. I went home and was reading "To Kill a Mocking Bird" and this book had an explanation to exactly my experience. Here's the excerpt from the book --
"“What’s a Hot Steam?” asked Dill.
“Haven’t you ever walked along a lonesome road at night and passed by a hot place?” Jem asked Dill.
“A Hot Steam’s somebody who can’t get to heaven, just wallows around on lonesome roads an‘ if you walk through him, when you die you’ll be one too, an’ you’ll go around at night suckin‘ people’s breath-”
“How can you keep from passing through one?”
“You can’t,” said Jem.
“Sometimes they stretch all the way across the road, but if you hafta go through one you say, ‘Angel-bright, life-in-death; get off the road, don’t suck my breath.’ That keeps ‘em from wrapping around you-”... "

I am not superstitious enough to believe this, but, IF I end up as a Hot Steam, I hope I pick a road with lots of people on it. :)

Celebrity look alike

2007-11-30T05:15:00.000-08:00

Among hundreds of forwards, came this link to a site which matches faces and tells u which celebrity looks like you. I was jobless and thought ill find out what I would have been if I hadnt been a software engineer.
I got 80% match with a Gareth Gates[whoever he is] and a 78% match with believe it or not - Katie Holmes :). I just couldnt stop laughing. Some more matches with some unknown celebrities and a 74% match with Saif Ali Khan. By now, hearing me laughing out loud in office, my teammate came over and said - you look more like Azharuddin and not these. Guess my wife will look like
Kareena or Sangita. :).

Wazzzzzaaaaaaa

2007-11-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

A super funny ad for the Budweiser beer. They make the best beer and the best ad too.

Well.. just dont go about shouting wazzzaaaa whenever somebody calls you on your phone unless you want to scare the shit out of him

November Pain

2007-11-28T03:02:00.000-08:00

What a sad month this has been. Started off beautifully with Nov 1 being a holiday. Then I fell sick for a week. Had to eat 1kg antibiotics. I returned to normal, took my bike out, 30 seconds later, went and hit an aunty day dreaming and walking on the road like her Dad owned the road. She fell, I fell, bike fell. Me fine, bike fine, she hurt. Me escape. Couple of days later me and my bike were in a gutter because I forgot to turn my bike at the turn in the road. Shit happens. Thanks to the guy who helped me lift my bike out.
Next monday I get up in the morning with severe pain in my nose. That hot doctor said it was nose infection. Another kg of antibiotics. That healed. 2 days later I wake up with something stuck in my throat, hurting like shit. "Throat infection. Severe. Dont drink cold drinks" said the doctor.I am struggling to swallow my saliva and he thought I was gonna go drink a cold drink. Doctors!! Another kg antibiotics.

Company performance bonus post poned by a month :(.
GNR would have made a video.

Two more days left in this month. Hopefully Ill see 1st Dec.

Udupi Returned

2007-11-06T00:27:00.000-08:00

I am back and I am still the same. But Udupi's changed. Lots of things. The dangerously narrow Kalsanka road with high speed private buses plying as though they were on a rally track - is nonexistant. Now Udupi has nothing to boast about. Its gonna be a really wide road. It will get its "State Highway" tag back. The road is being widened. from Malpe to Molkalmore so that Demi Moore has no problem in reaching Udupi. All PU colleges now have uniforms for students. Its like no more college, only High School for 5 years. sux sux. There were no Hindi movies in any theatre, only Kannada movies everywhere. Oh and Udupi now has a Big Bazaar. Its Udupi shining.

Udupi - Here I Come

2007-10-31T05:54:00.000-07:00

The time has arrived. I am going home today. Its always a nice feeling when you are going home. I am really happy and feeling kinda awkward coz the last time I went home was in December last year. 10 months. Mom must be thinking I have forgotten her. I have become a guest in my own home.

Everybody has the same thing to say- Diwali is next week, why are you going now?
I dont know. Its atually a long story and its of no use telling it.

Dont know how ill survive without the internet for 4 days. No mails, no bugs. But the QA team has my phone number. I hope they dont call. All my stock trading will hafta take a break. Its under loss anyway. I hope my money will double these 4 days without me there to make the right mistakes. My greatest loss is Jindal. I have been watchin it climb from 3k to 11k. I am still watching.

TCs bday is on 2nd. I hope I dont forget to call him. Dont want to sentify the already so senti TC. He is sick today. I hope he doesn't die. Or may be he'll die on his bday. Yea, that sounds good. I'll live to tell a story to my grand kids.

I plan to do a lot of sleeping and reading at home. Dopa's comp as usual will be screwed. I'll hafta fix it. Cant expect my old friends to be in Udupi. They will be working. Most of them are in Bangalore anyway. Will eat a lot of carrot halwa also. I have already told my mom to prepare lots of it. Lemme get pampered for a couple of days. The same old java can wait.

I hope this will be a happy visit. Not only for me, for everybody at home.

cya

Hidlumane waterfall

2007-09-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

31st Aug : Tired and sleepy we reached Nittoor[near Kodachadri] in the middle of a very foggy night. Here we got a place to sleep - a nice and cozy hut. We dozed off almost immeditately and only the sunlight woke us up the next morning.

We left for the Hidlumane falls for trekking. It was raining heavily alllllll the time and showed no signs of stoppin or even decreasing. We reached the mountain which held the falls. Here we met the creepy, crawly, blood sucking leaches. There were millions of them. It was yuckkkk. One step on the dead, rotting leaves and 10 of them would be stuck to our legs. Removing them was even tougher. Salt, knife, fire - we used them all. I was shit scared, but still went on and reached the falls.

Hidlumane waterfall, falls 6 times[like stairs]. Falls thrice, takes a turn, falls thrice more. It was covered by dense forests on both sides, so dense that at most of the places you couldn't walk into the forest. We trekked through the water to climb the 6th fall. It was the smallest, very slippery and supposed to be the easiest. I walked, fell, crawled, fell, swam and fell to climb up the 6th fall. Was on all four most of the time and totally wet. And Oh there are no leaches in the water. They cant swim :).

Found a gap in the forest and went in. Trees covered in moss, loose soil, no trail. Ultimate galij. The forest had an abundance of caterpillar type creatures which got crushed wherever you put your hands or legs. Climbed the 5th and 4th fall through the forest. The rest through water.

Now we were very near to the first fall and could hear its loud roar. The water was crystal clear. It was beautiful and worth the struggle to reach it. The force of the flow started increasing and in seconds the water level was upto my waist. I noticed that the water had changed to a bloody red colour but thought all of this was normal as this was my first time in a waterfall. Before i realised, water level had reached my chest and rising fast. Our guide shouted "flood flood" and i could feel the water trying to push me down the falls. Walking against such a flow was almost impossible, that too when your heart was in your mouth. I held onto a stone fighting against the flow. I managed to reach a huge boulder in the centre of the water path and hid behind it. The flow was less here and we managed to hold on, somehow. This was the first time i had seen a flood and it had to be a flash flood, with me in it and that me was in a waterfall!!! The first fall looked like somebody had opened a couple of dam gates and all the water was coming at us. We could feel the spray everywhere.

Our guide threw a rope at us and we fought against the flow and reached the forest. The safe forest. When we were waiting for the water to recede, the leaches had a feast on us and nobody was bothered. Our priorities had changed from blood to life. We needed just our fingers to remove them from our body. The yuck feeling was not there anymore. Our guide told us that all the water from Kodachadri comes here and this happens when it rains heavily in the mountains, and that he had not seen it but heard about it before.

Some experience. I know its not gonna happen again in my life. Atleast i hope so.

This is how it looked at the 3rd fall, imagine the first.

Molakalmuru

2007-09-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

It was suttu's sister's marriage in his home town.sorry, home village molakalmuru - the village that has produced Roger moore, Demi moore and Julianne moore. RVKS without KK took a train to that village. It had a railway station which was pretty surprising.

When we reached there, it was not what i had expected. No mud roads, no bullock carts, no buffaloes blocking traffic, no ppl in dhotis, no huts. There were tar roads, cars, cement houses, electricity and even telephones.It was not a village anymore. It was a city. Couple of years and molakalmuru will become molkalmore.

Saturday afternoon we went to molakalmuru betta on which there was a gudi. We had gone there on a different purpose, not at all religious. suttu got some ShivkaPrasad for us bhakti ppl. There was a big hill nearby made of huge boulders. It looked like a small push and these stones would roll all the way down the mountain. We trekked up the hill and found a nice spot on the stones where we consumed the prasad. After a lot of bhakofying and bakchodi we came back.

Next we went to a theatre. The gandhi class had no seats!! First class had iron seats. Watched Duniya in first class and it cost 13Rs for the ticket. 150 in bang, 13 in molkalmore.. ee duniya ne heege.

Next day we attended the marriage and the food was awesome. We had full bharjari oota. Then we went for sari shopping. No, no, not for us. For our ammas. I bought the best sari. everybdy else's sucked :).

One auto took all 10 of us to the railway station!!! Took the train back after senti tata from suttu. The return journey was non incidental except for a death in my bogie. Poor guy's heart gave up. We slept peacefully.

Around the OuterRingRoad (Motorcycle diaries?)

2007-08-22T03:41:00.000-07:00

Goin round the ORR on my bike was a dream i had for a long time and finally it came true at 12 am on a moony saturday- mostly bcoz of Ajay the Himalaya returned yeti on Avenger who felt like God.

We[ajay, anup,bhatta, kiran,me, suttu] left at around 12, after waiting for half an hour for suttu(as usual). Wore jacket, Helmet, tripped our odometers,stocked up on cigs and enough fuel. But the actual fuel propelling our ride was obtained from B11.

Fulll excited, fulll speed we raced on Airport road till marathalli. There we entered ORR packed with trucks and lorries. But that didnt stop us from zipping past them. Blinded by the high beams of oncoming traffic we flew over some invisible speed breakers but fortunately landed safely all the time. We were like the bikes in the new pulsar ad but the only pulsar in our group was old and struggling to keep up with us. We should have taken bhatta's splendor. Next time.

After a long drive we reached RVCE and decided to take a break. All shops were closed but we sat in front of Ravi's shop and were smoking. 2 Cops on a bike arrive and start shouting at a lady on the street and for our bad luck, spot us.
Cop1 : Carrying a long gun and very drunk.
Cop2 : Good cop.

What r u doing here?
Going to Mysore.
There was a theft here some time ago, I am gonna call the Hoysala. And radios for Hoysala. Spend the night in the jail, u'll get some buddhi.
[This line i think is in "How to be a tough Cop in 24 hrs". We had heard the exact same line in Goa]
There are 10 bullets in my gun. 10 in my pocket. 10 in cop2's pocket
OK
Are u guys drunk?
No
little?
No[can he smell it?]
1 peg?
No [stink must be strong]
1 beer?
No
1 Sip?
No [NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]
Where are u from?
Mangalore
Udupi
Kolar
Udupi[Bhatta is from udupi??]
Gadag
Molkalmoor
cop1 to 2 : Sir, all of them r from out of state.
No Sir, we are all from karnataka.
we dont do discrimination based on ur native. Followed by a lecture.
wats ur salary?
15k[why?]
8 yrs service and i still dont get so much.
suttu : but if u ring a bell, 2 ppl will spawn in front of u. nammannu moosodu illa.
cop happy, all happy.
Finally he is hinting that he will let us go.
Suddenly a lot of smoke comes from nowhere and flies towards cop1. Bhatta still smoking.Everybody stare at him and and he decides to not throw the cigarette.

We escaped from there and went to Checkpost which is the night snack zone for all RVians. After bharjari oota and some discussion about policemen, we leave and get bak on our journey.

Rest of the journey was uneventful and we finally reached the CCD in airport road. All of us could feel the pain in the ass. After a coffee and some firang watching we left from there got chased by street dogs in airport road and finally reached home.

Speedometer reading : 0kph.
Odometer reading : 106.5 kms.

Slept like a log.